I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
