so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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