If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Green mimosas i think yes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Randomize
