i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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