I'm lost and stupid without you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
