There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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