You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
