I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
