I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
