isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
