I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
