ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
