I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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