two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
