I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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