just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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