you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My liver just had a heart attack.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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