All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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