Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
