The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
