mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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