For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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