Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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