If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
