Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
