also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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