Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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