You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
