perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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