Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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