Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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