I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
