went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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