i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dignity is for republicans.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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