As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
