take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
