When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
