i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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