Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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