My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize