so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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