you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
