I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she smelled like a LAN party
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
