I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
