i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
