I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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