He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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