I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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