Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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