i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
