he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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