On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The adults are the big ones right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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