Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
