id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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