So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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