So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
