HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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