I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
