so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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