Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
