Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
