You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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