he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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