Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
