im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
