I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
