Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
