i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
