I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
