I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
