My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
