nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
