She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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