Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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