I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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