Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
