Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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