put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
