I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
