fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
