Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
