John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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