I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
